HJ

" 'Goodnight,' she said; 'I hope you are dissappointed,
or disgusted, or something!'
He looked at her, taking the hand she offered him.
'I am puzzled,' he answered."

Was that you?

It looked just like you.
Strange things the imagination might do.

Some Animals Are More Equal Than Others

What is a “fairy tale?” A story detached from reality? One with distorted ideals and false hope, with happy endings and inevitable redemption?

We live in a world of destruction. One of uninhibited cruelty, of selfish desire for power, and an endless amount of flaws.

Are we corrupted, selfish and evil by nature? Yes, I think so. I think humans are selfish, pleasure-seeking creatures yearning security. I don’t believe humans are born evil, but they are born selfish. It is our primal need to survive, to be on top, and therefore destroy to achieve that power. A utopian society is impossible to attain for the desire for power and security ultimately conquers equality and justice.

Although the world is imperfect, and as human beings, are flawed subsets of the unnatural and perverted world, we still have hope. It’s about finding a balance- a harmony. Finding the balance between freedom and oppression, luxury and necessity, and perfection verses dystopian chaos.

Will mankind ever be redeemed?

I don't know but in the mean time, I'm going to enjoy the perfect symmetry of the flower petals and butterfly wings.

I'm in the middle, one eye above, one below, watching the golden ribbons of light reflecting upon the deep, seductive water.

SUNSHINE

Life is so good.




Hi Sam, Daniela and Tyler, I love you.

from the mountains to mayhem...

I feel like so many significant things have occurred in my life in the last month, I can't even write about it.









Where the hell am I?

Pure Vida

So I'm home.
Costa Rica was beautiful -- truly a heaven on Earth. For the first time in years, I could actually relax. I could curl up with a book and coffee and just gaze over the rain forest. The fucking rain forest. For one slim moment, all of the chaos and confusion evaporated.
And on the way home, we flew between the clouds. And even though I was stuck on a plane it was almost euphoric...I could just touch the sunlight.
But I'm home. And I fell face down into everything I left. Homework, expenses and commitments all bombarded me. But it was amazing. Absolutely amazing.




Things I need to accomplish now that I'm in the Alameda:
1) I need to figure what the fuck I want. In relationships, in friendships and in the future.
2) Read King Leer
3) Read Antigone
4) Not get into more accidents
5) Sign up for piano lessons
6) Become more patience
7) Refind faith
8) Stop focusing on things that are unimportant, trivial and just a waste of my time.
9) Relax
10) Live in Love

Sweet refuge

Exhilaration, condemnation, inspiration

It rains.

The earth, twisted fingers

Embraces.

My 10 Favorite Things as of June 3, 2008

1) Edward

2) Mr. Carmen’s witty jokes

3) Necks. There’s something extremely seductive about necks.

4) Hot pink nail polish

5) The little witticisms inside of Dove chocolates

6) Will’s hands

7) Organic peanut butter

8) Creepin’ Up the Backstairs by the Fratellis

9) Endings

10) Beginnings

Doctor Zhivago

Oh, how one wishes sometimes to escape from the meaningless dullness of human eloquence, from all those sublime phrases, to take refuge in nature, apparently so inarticulate, or in the wordlessness of long, grinding labor, of sound sleep, of true music, or of a human understanding rendered speechless by emotion!

Rainman

Let's go.










Let go.

Watermelon Toe

I love my mother.
So I am freaking out as usual. Because I like to get overly frantic and anxious, I was freaking out about how I'm going to fail the math test and get a bad grade in math and therefore, all my life plans would fail when my mom sits me down and says "This doesn't matter. You will be fine. You're great and I love you." And then my sister comes in rocking out to Metallica.





I guess that's how the future's done...

And it's contagious.

They made a statue of us


And it put it on a mountain top


They'll name a city after us


And later say it's all our fault

The End?

Winning. Doritos and Sprite. Crispy tofu burger. Disappearing duck. $1.73. Sun roof. Jay Gatsby. Green eyes. Tradition. Mascara. Nervous jitters. A little bit of hot sauce. Lexie the worm. Chai Tea Latte. Extracurriculars. Clarence the seagull. Philosophy. Goodbyes.

Monet's Sunflowers

This is what I want my life to be.
Colorful and uninhibited.

The Beginning

Blissful happiness and unquenchable fear comes in the shape of lemon meringue pie and short stories scribbled under the sunset. If only I could feel the warmth without feeling the consequences.

Of Course.

Why can't I just be satisfied with what I have?
I have marshmallows, pearl bracelets, zebra print collars, beautiful friends, glorious weather and TapEx runs. And yet, I still find myself wanting more.
What a tangled web we weave.
Beautiful, but deadly.

So Shine On

The beauty of existence is one of human connection. Why do we try so hard to push away? Our hearts beat the same as the millions around us. Our tickled fantasies are the same that torture everyone.

“If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die?”

One must embrace the joy, the tears, and the mystery of physical connection. It’s that physical connection that unites us. That teases us. That fulfills us. I fall into the reoccurring lapse of self-pity and self-righteousness. We are all victims of the same weakness, the same self-condemnation. We have too few romances, too few friendships and far too much superficiality that we substitute for what is authentic. Too many online conversations substitute the need for closure and acceptance.

Don’t be afraid of what is unknown. Be afraid of losing the warm embrace of world around you.

Hold my hand and together we’ll shine.

Tell me,

did you sail across the sun?

Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded

And that heaven is overrated?


Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet?

Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day

And head back to the milky way?

And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?

Was it everything you wanted to find?

And there you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there.

Finally

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics who will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks to come. We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope. For when we have faced down impossible odds; when we've been told that we're not ready, or that we shouldn't try, or that we can't, generations of Americans have responded with a simple creed that sums up the spirit of a people.
Yes. We. Can.
-Barack Obama

Color Wheel

I saw a whirlwind of color.

Florescent walls and crimson cheeks. Screams of orange infused with yellow laughter. Purple and plaid. Browns and bubbles in a sea of white extremity.

I was on the skin team.
Everyone wanted to fight, but I just wanted to sing.
Techno polka dots. Bright blue oblivion.

Charcoal gray. Chaos.

The highlight? The grubbin' pistachios and Sami's pictures afterwards.

Rejuvenated

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." ~Berthold Auerbach

I'm a new soul,
I came to this strange world,
Hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take.
But since I came here,
Felt the joy and the fear,
Finding myself making every possible mistake.

I'm a young soul,
In this very strange world,
Hoping I could learn a bit about what is true and fake.
But why all this hate?
Try to communicate.
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make.

Lust, Gorgonzola and Orange Juice

My good friends convinced me not to get a blog. So of course I did.

I find it slightly amusing that my first post is about food. I just want to express how much I enjoyed my dinner.
You don't know pizza like my pizza. There were two perfectly imperfect ovals. One with Gorgonzola, figs and glazed onions. The other, the better of the two, was a combination of blue cheese, pears and onions. No chedder cheese. No pepperoni. No marinara sauce. Just greatness with a small glass of white wine. Fucking perfection.
Next came frozen orange juice out of the can.
Then finally, a piece of the darkest chocolate imaginable. Which came from a set of small provocatively named candies. The one I chose was named Lust. How appropriate.

I don't believe in diets. I believe in embracing it all. All of the Gorgonzola, orange juice and Lust.

I love my life.